Monday, March 26, 2012


Shortly before Christmas, we had a religious experience.  In case you can't remember, we were surprised and blessed when Jesus came to Mt. Vernon.  More specifically, he came to live with us after God smartly stashed him in Joel's white elephant gift. 

Jesus available here
No, NBC, you can't use that idea for your summer line-up.

A lot has happened since then.  After his altercation with the horned beast Oscar during which he lost an arm, he was safely perched on top of the wine tower where he has watched over us and likely observed too many sinful behaviors to count.  The boys would occasionally ask to play with him, but out of fear of yet another amputation or possible decapitation, I let Jesus chill on the tower.

He likes wine, right?

As the weeks went by, Jesus got dusty and was eventually obscured from sight as I accessed and rearranged the items on top of the wine tower until we'd forgotten about the toy completely.

"MOMMY!  Oscar is chewing up Scooby Doo!"

Déjà vu, anyone?  I recognized the figurine as the same Arby's kid's meal toy that had once graced our Christmas tree as the boys began adorning it with random junk from around the house.  It, too, had been misplaced for quite some time until it resurfaced in the clutches of Oscar's jaw. 

Even though he'd already lost an ear and part of his nose, I sprung into action and yanked Scooby from the dog's mouth and did with it what I frequently do with toys in the same situation, which is to set it somewhere up high where the dog can't devour it and the kids can't torture it further.

And that is how Scooby-Doo met Jesus.

In all honesty, I didn't notice Jesus up there when I airlifted the ghost-chasing dog.  I plopped him down on the top of the tower and went about doing laundry, making lunch or trying to disable the popper in the dreaded "ball popper" toy, a device so loud and migraine-inducing that Jesus himself would likely banish it to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.

A few days later, however, Graham began asking for something I couldn't decipher.


"Graham, don't say 'stupid', please."

"No!  Toopidu!"

"Is that a cartoon character?"

"No, Mama!" And this time instead of continuing the whine-cry-ask-whine cycle he'd invented, he pointed enthusiastically at the top of the wine tower.

"Oh, Scooby Doo!"

Recognizing what he wanted, I blindly reached on top of the structure and felt two items.  I was surprised to see our wounded Jesus there, since he's been out of sight and out of mind for so long, but I was even more surprised-- shocked, even, to pull down a perfect and completely undamaged Scooby Doo.

Wah?  There was Scooby with two completely intact ears and markings from Oscar's remaining teeth.  I sat down for a minute.  I knew that we were near Easter, and I knew that healing is kind of Jesus' thing, but these are toys and I didn't think molded plastic was really his medium.

Just as I was about to head over to the sink to make sure our water was indeed water and not wine, I reached up to place Jesus back on the tower and bumped another item.  I pulled it down to find the injured Scooby, just as I remembered him, cowering behind a bowl of artificial grapes.

So I guess it was no miracle after all, and our plastic Jesus is just that-- plastic.  But just in case, I stashed a broken watch and some busted iPhone earbuds up there.  You never know.

But wait... where did that second Scooby come from?!?

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