Thursday, February 28, 2013

Hanging in There

I know that my posting lately has been spotty and inconsistent, and for that I'm sorry.  I'm not sorry enough to promise to change, or to propose counseling for us because I know in my heart of hearts, that it will probably happen again, and I don't want to make a habit of lying to you.

Don't worry, I haven't been cheating.  I'm not spending my mornings reading other blogs or secretly posting my typical self-deprecating thoughts on other Internet publications.

No, instead I have been suffering through two weeks of gratingly bad behavior from my children that has left me, in every quiet, all-to-brief moment, looking for places to hide in my house or at the very least, plotting my future escape. 

Belize might be nice this time of year.  Heck, I'd settle for Siberia if it meant I could sleep past 7am.

My poor husband has had to endure the brunt of my frustrations, walking in the door at the end of a very long day just in time for me to lock myself in the bathroom just to remember what it used to be like to pee alone, in silence.

I love the boys, of course, but I can't help the sneaking suspicion that I'm getting worse at this motherhood thing instead of better.  I like to play the blame game with myself at night when I should be sleeping, thinking, "If I was doing my job right, Cael wouldn't misbehave so much." Or I berate myself about Graham, wondering, "Is Graham's unwillingness to wear pants a reflection of how badly I've already warped his tiny mind?"

I don't have time right now to ponder the likelihood that exhibitionism is a symptom of future criminal behavior, because these days I'm too busy hanging on to my last remaining thread of sanity with white knuckles.  So I wrap up this ridiculously verbose and apologetic post with the same mantra I fall asleep to each night:

Hang in there. 
It'll get better. 
I'm not going crazy. 
Man, I'd kill for some chocolate.

That chocolate part doesn't relate, but I'm thinking it most of the time anyway.

Thanks for sticking with me and what may seem like my recently abandoned blog.  There may be days when I don't post here or there, but if you are one of the remaining few that keeps coming back to listen to my mental ramblings, know that you've brought a smile to my day. 

Thank you.  I'll be back.


  1. I think it's the time of year! Seems like a lot of us moms are pulling our hair out right about now. Bring on the warm weather and outside play time!!! Once they go out the door I think we shoudl lock it behind them and just stay inside for mommy time out ;-)

  2. I think we, as moms, are always way too hard on ourselves. Give yourself a break... you're doing awesome! And like the previous commenter said, it's just that time of year. We're all feeling depressed because of the weather, and cooped up and stressed... It will get better! When your kids get to be teenagers, you might just be wishing they were toddlers again! (says the mother of four teens!) lol

  3. I'm not a mom, so I will not at all pretend like I know what I'm talking about, but I think you are doing your best. Being a mom is hard! I would suggest at least getting an afternoon lunch all to yourself or with girls or with your husband to recharge. Everyone needs a little break now and then.


Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.