Ill-Literacy

Sometimes literacy isn't all it's cracked up to be.

"If you want me to read another book, go grab one, Graham."

"We read them all."

"No, we have a ton of books; we didn't read all of them today."

"I don't want those books.  I know all of those books."

"Okay, well I'll make up a story, then.  I'll tell it to you, and then you can make up a story for me."

"Okay, Mommy." 

I briefly considered telling him a story about how Mommy is a painfully dedicated perfectionist, but I figured that Cael's valentine and the story I was about to share would convey that pretty clearly.

"Once upon a time, there was a fluffy puppy named Oscar.  Oscar was the leader of all of the dogs in Dogland because everyone loved him the most.  He was kind to everyone he met, and he never bit or hurt anyone.  One day, all of the dogs in Dogland decided that they wanted to steal all of the treats from the pet store.  They all squeezed into the dog house and came up with a brilliant plan.  They would send in Oscar, everyone's favorite white dog, to grab up all of the treats and run out of the store without paying.  They picked Oscar because he was so nice and the other dogs knew that no one would suspect Oscar of doing something so naughty.

When Oscar learned about the plan, he jumped up and down because he was so excited about dog treats.  But then he thought more and more about taking the treats from the store without paying, and he knew it was wrong.  He whined and whimpered like he needed to go potty until the other dogs asked him what was wrong.  'We can't steal the treats.  It's wrong, and we are better dogs than that.  We need to pay for the treats.' 

The other dogs didn't agree.  So they banded together and picked a new leader to go steal the treats from the pet store.  Oscar stayed in his dog house, worried about his friends, but knowing that he was doing the right thing.  Meanwhile, the other dogs sneaked into the pet store.  They crept around the corners and stayed very quiet.  But quickly, the store owner saw a big golden retriever with his cheeks stuffed full of beef-flavored dog treats and blew a loud whistle.

'STOP RIGHT THERE!'

The store owner called the pound, and a man with a long beard showed up to take the naughty dogs away.  Oscar barked at his owners to help and that same afternoon, his friends were released from the pound. 

'Oscar, we are so sorry.  You were right about stealing the treats, and we shouldn't have done that.  We have learned our lesson, and we want you to be our leader again.  Please forgive us?'

Oscar, always a kind puppy, immediately forgave his friends.  'Of course I will forgive you.  But you need to promise me that you will always be nice to others and do the right thing.'

'We will, we will!', the other dogs barked. 

And that is how Oscar, the fluffy white puppy, became the world's greatest dog."

"Did you like that story?"

"Yes, I liked it but I wanted a story about dinosaurs."

"Well why don't you make your story about dinosaurs?"

"Okay, Mommy.  One time there was a dinosaur named Mommy.  And she was HUGE and MEAN and had huge teeth and she ate animals and trucks and stuff.  And she smelled AWFUL and nobody liked her.  The end."

"...Oh, and Mommy?"

"Yeah..."

"Dinosaur Mommy wouldn't read books, either."