Thursday, August 2, 2012

Nudist Colony

I had a different post prepared for today.  You might have liked it.  For all I know, it could have been the greatest thing I've ever written and would have gone viral on the internet and by this time next week you'd be watching me on the Today show. 

I'd look awesome, too.

But instead, as I finished it up on the iPad, I was quickly summoned downstairs by Cael to the bathroom where Joel was already in full-on plumber mode, corralling the flooded carpet and mountain of soggy towels that had been yanked down hastily to absorb the toilet water that had overflowed its banks.  I was recruited to yank the gloppy mass of toilet paper from inside the toilet-- at least one whole roll-- that had been shredded and submerged in a fit of giggles and aquatic mischief. 

And standing in the middle of it, naked, was Graham.

Over the last several months, Graham has developed something of an aversion to clothing and something of a fetish about the toilet.  Nearly every night I tuck him in and plead with him to keep his clothing on and stay away from the bathroom and the endless temptations that lie within its walls.  But nearly every morning we are stirred by Cael, often pantless as well after being persuaded by his brother that mischief loves company (and nudity), tattling about Graham's escapades in the toilet.

Perhaps his obsession started when he drank out of the toilet.  Or maybe it really gained momentum when he discovered what fun it is to drink from the bathroom sink.  Either way, what was once somewhat humorous (although always completely disgusting), has evolved into a full-blown, intervention-worthy addiction that has consumed our mornings for quite some time.

Therefore, this morning we grabbed the key and locked the door to the downstairs bathroom, hopefully trapping Graham's naked ambitions inside along with his desire to splash about in the cool waters of the porcelain bowl. 

If his longing to throw chunks of wet toilet paper at the wall gets entombed in there as well, that wouldn't be the worst thing.

So we now live in a two bathroom house, and although the loss of that temptation will mean a little inconvenience for us, there are so many other great things to look forward to in the days to come.  Like that great post that I wrote.

You know, the one that I'd typed out on the iPad and then tossed aside hastily when Cael called me, my fingers lightly grazing the trash can button before coming to rest on the bed as I wrangled a mass of wet paper, all while being watched by a morally superior four year-old and his younger brother, who just can't keep his pants on.

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Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.