Monday, February 13, 2012

Market Meltdown

I'd like to take this opportunity to issue an overdue public apology. 

Dear Anyone-in-my-local-grocery-store-last-Wednesday-after-my-children-attended-a-sugar-laden-Valentine-party, 

I'm so very sorry for the scene that unfolded within the aisles of the supermarket.  I take full responsibility and ownership of the emotional and auditory damage that may have been done due to my son's screaming, crying and general state of whininess.  I made the poor decision to allow my children to push the "tiny cart", and I now understand that all of you were forced to pay the price.

Photo from Gary's website.
I do not, however, take responsibility for the actions that took place.  For example, it was not me that chose to pull seven boxes of tampons and pads off of the shelf in the toiletry aisle.  Similarly, it was not me that stashed said boxes in the cart of an older gentleman shopping for toothpaste.

Sir, you deserve a special apology for this unique form of embarrassment that came courtesy of Graham.

"Graham, tell the man you're sorry."

"Sorry, Man!  Sorry, POOP!" 

As you can tell, we're all really broken up about this.

I would also like it to be known that I was not the person (or persons) responsible for shaking various items and then throwing them on the floor in the dairy section.  I am perfectly satisfied with the consistency of your butter, yogurt and, ahem... eggs.

I would like all of you to know that I did do my best to contain the situation and leave the store as quickly as possible.  I selected my grocery items and made way to the registers to be checked out, but Cael decided that he was in great mortal need of some chocolate ice cream and, despite my pleas to follow directions, both children took off toward the freezer section to commit any number of atrocities before I was able to contain them.

You might want to check for some feminine napkins hidden amongst your Lean Cuisines.

Lastly, we owe the largest apology to the young clerk who patiently waited for me to pay for my items while I was, instead, physically dragging my youngest across the tile floor from where he tried to escape through the automatic doors.  Thank goodness you had that ATM in the lobby to keep Cael occupied.  Good call.

During future visits, I will do my best to more adequately restrain my children while shopping.  (Do you sell rope?)  I will also make a concerted effort to have my fly zipped up as well.

Yours truly,
Mary Foreman

PS- That smell wasn't coming from me either.


  1. I'm so sorry-- but that was hilarious!! Putting tampons in a gentleman's cart?? Ha ha haaa!!!! That is exactly why my 3 & 4 year old still ride in the race car carts at the supermarket. I only had to make the mistake of believing "I'll stay right by you, Mommy." once!

    1. I'm glad you got a kick out of this! I figure that moments like these aren't worth anything if you can't even get a laugh out of them!

  2. Maybe that old fella really wanted those tampons... You never know -- he could have been preparing to seal the grout on his tile floor. My older two are terrified to be out of my sight at a store, but I'm already concerned about Juliet... I think she's gonna be a runner.

    1. Good point, Courtenay. If he gets a bloody nose at any point in the next month, I'm sure he'll thank us for that unexpected purchase. ;)

  3. oh this was so funny. I can relate for sure. I really dislike shopping of any kind with little (and some times big) kids. Good luck the next time.

    1. I think I'm going to learn from this experience and not take them to the store again without reinforcements. If there's no food in the house, I guess we won't eat! :)


Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.