Ism of the Week

"Mommy, is tonight my first t-ball game?"

"Yep, tonight.  Are you going to hit a home run?"

"Yeah.  I'm awesome at baseball, you know.  I'll probably hit the moon with my ball and then I'll hit the moon with the bat.  Because my muscles are so big.  Man, I'm good!"

"Wow.  I am really glad you're confident, Cael, but you need to be a good sport.  That means that when you do well, you don't make the other kids feel bad about it.  And when you don't do as well as you'd hoped, which will happen sometime, you smile anyway and do your best the next time.  Okay?"

"What, Mom?  I was looking at my HUGE muscles in the mirror.  That baseball better watch out!"

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary!

I skipped my Thursday posting yesterday so that I could bring you greetings today, on my second blog anniversary (blogiversary).  Don't worry, I didn't get you anything either.  I thought briefly about buying you a pair of the same pink footed pajamas that Joel bought be for Christmas a couple of years ago since that was a memory we shared together, but we also shared the time that Graham threw up all over me at the movie theater.  I think it best that we not revisit either of those experiences.

You can get me a sweater or something later.  Or maybe this.  Just sayin'.

Now I know that things have been much slower the last few months than they were when I began this site, but my life was a lot different then.  I had a toddler and a baby, was still firmly planted in my twenties, and thought naively that I was busy.  At the time, I also thought I could sustain five weekly postings while feeding, bathing, dressing, educating, counseling, triaging, entertaining, chauffeuring and loving my husband, two animals, Cael, Graham and a partridge in a pear tree.

I also thought I wouldn't gain any more weight.  But that just goes to show you what two years and an inappropriate amount of Nutella can do.

I'm just as committed to keeping the blog going as I was two years ago today, and I'm hoping that you'll stick by me through the site's highs and lows.  In the next two weeks, I'm planning to update its look with a new layout and photos, and I might, just might, finally update those feature tabs that have been "under construction" longer than one of Graham's magnetic tile towers.

While I'm busy with that, please continue to stop by, comment on my posts, and share the blog with your friends.  Because as much as I love to write and to share my family's antics, it is so much more fun to know that someone out there can relate to a life filled with crazy around every corner.

But what can I do?  It is what it is.

Consequences

"Mommy, I needs a haircut."

"You think, Graham?  I know that you need a trim, but I kind of like your hair a little longer."

"But I'm gonna look like a girl!"

"No, your face is a very handsome boy face, and your clothes are obviously boy clothes.  I don't think anyone will think you're a girl."

"Yes they will!  Right, Cael?"

"Good one, Mom.  Now everyone is going to think Graham is a girl, and then Daddy will be mad at those people and they will all get into a huge fight and Daddy will go to jail for 800 years and you'll be sad and Graham will get really sick because he would only eat candy.  And then he'll be in the hospital for a really long time and they'll give him the wrong medicine because they'll think he's a girl and it will make him even sicker and then he'll die.  He'll be dead, Mom.  Dead.  Guess you should have just given him a haircut."

 "Yes, hello, is this Cost Cutters?..."

News Flash

In the Nation - All across the country yesterday, American citizens remembered those lost to preserve our freedoms.  While many used the national holiday as a time to spend with family and engage in outdoor activities, those in the small town of Mt. Vernon, IA frustratedly looked skyward at the ominous grey clouds that have shrouded the town and ruined many holiday plans.  When asked to comment on the importance of Memorial Day, Mt. Vernon native Cael Foreman provided the following statement, "I remember lots of stuff.  Remember that time we went to that white place?  And we were outside and it was hot and I went to that tiny house and had that green icy thing?  You know, that one day?  I'm so good at remembering stuff." 

Arts & Leisure - In Iowa, preparations have begun for the 2013 summer camping season.  This year, in an effort to save money, the 1988 Airstream motorhome previously owned by Joel and Mary Foreman has been sold and the couple has purchased a tent.  Joel Foreman, a self-proclaimed outdoorsman, cited cooking over an open flame and hiking/fishing as positive points of the camping experience.  Mary Foreman energetically endorsed an opposing viewpoint, citing the lack of room service and chocolate pillow mints as negative aspects.  The debate continues. 

Agriculture - While an abundance of wet weather has local farmers concerned about the viability of their crop, avid morel mushroom hunters have taken advantage of damp conditions to yield a large haul of the sought-after items.  While many fans of the delicacy prefer to eat the mushrooms in their purest form, a group of outspoken Midwesterners swear by dredging them in craker crumbs and egg and lightly frying them in olive oil, thereby eliminating any remaining nutritional value present.  (No photos were available as the camera lens was covered in greasy fingerprints.)  

Education - In education news, parents across the country continue to mourn for the end of the academic year.  While many studies have demonstrated the educational benefits of year-round school for scholastic retention and growth, local area schools continue to adhere to a more traditional schedule.  In an effort to preserve the knowledge acquired during the 2012-2013 year, Iowa mother Mary Foreman has taken to quizzing her children.  Foreman relayed to reporters that she has seen some growth in math skills but a major loss of progress in behavioral development.  Three year-old Graham Foreman, who will be starting preschool in the fall, shared his thoughts on the area's educational system.  "I'm ready for school.  I can read all of my letters and I go potty on the big potty.  I learned lots of things, like adding and take-aways.  And I learned that you can't flush a tennis call down the potty."  In response, local school board members have proposed major changes in the preschool curriculum.

Economy - In our final story, the garage sale originally scheduled for May 18th at the Foreman home was postponed one week prior.  Global apparel retailers are closely monitoring the situation as many fear that such a large sale of baby and toddler clothes may eliminate the need for popular stores such as Baby Gap and Gymboree.  When asked, the Foreman family provided the following comment, "There are 400,000 bags of baby clothes in here.  I can't wait to get all of this crap out of the house, but please, sweet Lord, don't let us get accidentally pregnant."  The Lord was not immediately available to respond as he was occupied with a fried mushroom supper.

And that is the news of the day!  Join us next time.

Two Plus Two

Stating that my kids are mischievous would be as obvious and inefficient as bothering to explain that grass is green.  It is simply a given.

Rather than wallowing in frustration at the temperamental card I've been dealt (okay, I do that sometimes, too) I try to switch my perspective to a more optimistic outlook.  I like to remind myself that the reason my boys so easily find mischief and test my patience is because they are smart.  Really smart.

Too smart for their own good, really.

We put those smarts to the test the other day when Joel worked on math with Cael and Graham, the latter surprising us with his unexpectedly quick finger counting.


Graham saw our enthusiasm for his math skills and, desperate to relive that praise, started applying his newly-found arithmetic abilities to everything in sight.

"Mom, want to hear me add again?"

"Sure, Bubba."

"Otay.  What's a chair plus a pillow?"

"What?"

"Seventeen!"

They really are smart.  I promise.

"That doesn't really work, Graham.  You can't add objects and get a number as the answer."

"Yes you can!  What is an apple minus Oscar?"

"You tell me." 

"Onehundredthreehundredsixhundred.  And two."

"Oh, I see.  But Graham, listen.  Math uses numbers, not things around our house.  I know that you're very smart and I'm proud of you and how good you are at math.  So if you want to work on it, that's great.  But what you're doing right now isn't really 'math'."

"You're mean.  And Mommy?  You plus me?  That equals farts!"

Grief and Loss

First day of school, August 15, 2012.

Friends, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the 2012-2013 academic year.  It is with great sadness that I write today to commemorate this school year, whose days were much too short.  For those of you that did not know this year personally, I can attest to the fact that it was wonderful, filled with many hours spent educating my oldest son and keeping him out of the house and unable to pound on his little brother.

I first met this school year on August 15, 2012, when I dropped my son, Cael, off at the doors of the elementary school for his first year of daily school.  From the very first day of our relationship, I noticed how much quieter and less confrontational my home felt, and I developed an instant bond with the school year.

Last day of school, May 21, 2013.

Throughout our relationship, the '12-'13 academic year enriched my life in many ways.  In addition to teaching my son to read and write many new words and providing him with educational opportunities unavailable in my home, it also allowed me to spend some one-on-one time with my younger son, Graham, and taught me the merits of Starbucks coffees and lazy Friday mornings.

If the school year were here today, I'm sure it would tell us not to be sad, but to remember the good times in the difficult summer days to come.  And even though it may be gone, the memories of the times we spent together will live on in our hearts until this fall, when we may allow ourselves to believe again when we begin the 2013-2014 year.

School year, I appreciated your camaraderie and will never forget you.

The Gift Whisperer

"Cael, since it's your last real day of school, I think it would be nice to take something for your teacher.  Don't you think?"

"Yeah, I want to do that!"

"What should we take her?"

"A squirtgun."

"Really?  I don't think she's really play with that.  Plus, it's not appropriate to take a gun to school, even a watergun." 

"But she told me that's what she wants.  She told everyone in the class to bring her a squirtgun."

Yeah, right.

"Well, then I'm sure there are other kids that will do that for her.  I was thinking a picture of you with a nice note and a pretty plant that she can keep."

"No, what about a light saber?"

"That's not a gift that an adult would really like."

"But it's something I'd like."

"How would you feel if, for your birthday, I only gave you stuff I wanted?  Maybe when you turn six, I'll get you a gift certificate for a massage, some new sunglasses, some clothes and I'll be sure to take you out for sushi.  Okay?"

"...Ugh.  What kind of plant should we get?"