Wednesday, March 4, 2015

The Great Vaccine Debate

It is so good to be back among the living.  My unexpected absence came courtesy of an ear infection that struck Adler first, then me, then Adler again, then me again, and when it became clear that neither one of us was improving, it took four doctor appointments and a combination of three different antibiotics, an over the counter decongestant, prescription pain killers, probiotics and ibuprofen to keep us among the living. 

 While I was out of commission, I was struck by the number of high-profile issues that took the internet by storm.  My understanding of these topics was limited by my completely clogged and closed off right ear, but from what I can understand, two llamas got spooked by John Travolta's weird behavior at the Academy Awards and ran all over California looking for tickets to see Fifty Shades of Grey.

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Or was it Fifty Shades of White and Gold?  Not sure. 

But by far the biggest hot button issue has been the question of whether or not to vaccinate.  Now, I'm an incredibly non-confrontational person, so I am not interested in pointing fingers and whipping up a frenzy among people that I consider to be friends, so I will leave it at this:

My kids are vaccinated.  I will continue to vaccinate. 

That being said, put away your pitchforks, "anti-vaxxers".  I think what we need is to find some common ground on which we can agree, and I think I have it.  While you may not agree with vaccinating against preventable diseases, would you be willing to vaccinate against other undesirable things?

Jury Duty.  I've been called for jury duty twice and thankfully was excused because I was nursing babies, but I think it is safe to say I would rather let a whining, ear infected child gnaw on my danglers than commit my limited time to analyzing criminal behavior.

Dirty Laundry.  I'm referring to literal laundry, not the figurative airing of one's private business, which I obviously condone since I have a blog dedicated to sharing just that.  No, I hate cleaning my family's cloth0es.  Hate.  Wouldn't it be convenient if there were a quick injection that would immunize us from the dirty laundry?  I, for one, would be happy to subject myself to additional vaccinations if it meant no longer having to scrape crusted play-doh from the knees of jeans or play the "is it chocolate or is it poop" laundry edition of Russian roulette.       

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Calliou.  I suppose I could change this to "children's programming" in general.  There are few more mind-numbing things than watching Dora blink creepily as she waits for your child's response or listening to Calliou throw an Oscar-worthy conniption fit and get immediately rewarded by his wimpy parents.  Wouldn't a quick shot be worth it to sit down to the evening news with your seven year-old?

Polio.  Because seriously, people.  Let's just not revisit that one.

Home Renovation/Light Installation/Wallpaper Removal.  There are a lot of tasks that fall under this heading, but it is safe to say that making your home prettier isn't worth it if you actually find yourself contemplating divorce and/or shiv construction.

Public Controversy.  I'm all for free speech, but wouldn't the world be a kinder place if we could quit arguing over vaccines and dresses and global warming, and concentrate on the really important issues, like Kanye West's obsession with Beyonc√©

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Glad we could all agree.  Next up, the Middle East.

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