Thursday, November 20, 2014

Adding to the Classics

Recently Cael came home from school reciting a new rhyme he'd picked up.

"Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree..."

I knew this one, of course.  But after a couple of days of really weird couplings (Graham and cereal, Daddy and Oscar, Mommy and the toilet)  I noticed that this rhyme was longer than the one I knew.

First come love, then comes marriage
Then comes a baby in a baby carriage.
And that's not all, that's not all!
Soon that baby's drinking alcohol!

Huh?  Has this always been a part of the poem, or have seven year-olds gotten even more jaded since I was a kid?  At first I thought I was headed for another sit-down discussion about alcohol use and minors, but when it became clear he didn't really even understand what alcohol is (and does) I pulled the plug on my lecture about the delinquencies of my future love child with the toilet.  I then remembered that even the Happy Birthday song has received the same treatment, with Cael tacking "Ooh la la, Pizza Hut", on the end and assuring me that this is way all the kids are singing it. 

After failing to create an appropriate response for over ten minutes, I looked to another famous phrase:

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

So here's my prose for today, plus a little something extra for the new generation.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Sugar is sweet, and so are you.
Unless I've said "no" to Pokemon cards,

And then you're just plain rude.

Ring around the rosies,
Pockets full of posies,
Ashes, ashes, 
We all fall down!
You knock your brother on the floor
And cry when he won't play any more.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.
Because when it's rainy and you're cooped up in the house the two of you do nothing but fight and make big messes that you refuse to pick up and I feel like I need a good stiff drink but I can't have one because I am nursing a baby that won't sleep for more than 25 minutes at a time and during those 25 minutes I just want to pee alone but you choose that very moment to demand a band-aid for an invisible ouchie or a snack because the one you had 10 minutes before wasn't good enough and you think I didn't see you take 4 pieces of candy from the Halloween stash and I'm really ready for everyone to go to bed.

Step aside, Shel Silverstein.

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Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.