Monday, May 5, 2014

Fear Factor

It is amazing how much your perspective changes when you have children.  Not in a grandiose "now I am a parent" kind of way, but in the tiny details that remind us daily of our responsibilities. 

For example, I always used to love thunderstorms.  Still do, if I am alone, but whereas I once would stand outside and watch the clouds roll in, I now hover over my boys and the mobile weather report to make sure no impending tornado threatens us.  I am not able to trust the integrity of my own home because I am much too distracted by the fear that they will be hurt.

In fact, fear seems to be the biggest change in my perspective since becoming a mother.  Things that never worried me before, like driving in snow or innocent bug bites, drive my mind to the worst case scenario.  But nothing, nothing-- is more fearful for parents than what has been scaring the bejeezus out of me for weeks.

Stuffed animals that turn on by themselves.

This issue was not part of my reality before having children, but now I am constantly on guard for the disembodied voices of my kids' toys that only seem to "come to life" at night and when no one has touched or moved them.

The most frequent offender in my home is Sulley, better known as James P. Sullivan, the record holder for scares at Monsters, Incorporated.  This being's entire existence is dedicated to making humans pee their pants in fear, and I now know why he is the best at his job.

Sulley's manic laugh fills the air in my basement randomly at night when I am working on the computer, and his beady eyes peer right into my soul.  He is almost certainly studying me and cataloging my darkest fears, adding hot air balloons and bees to my new found anxieties about storms and winter driving.

I could remove his batteries, I suppose.  But in the light of day, Sulley's menacing smiling face makes my kids smile, and Graham especially would be negatively impacted by his premature demise.

From now on, I guess I will just avoid the basement after sunset.  Or maybe Sulley will conveniently find himself outside during a severe thunderstorm, just to teach him a lesson.

Not that there's anything to fear...

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Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.