Monday, August 19, 2013

Conversational Bonus

Have you ever had a conversation with someone that made so little sense to you that your confusion made you look like a complete idiot?  I'm not an idiot. 

At least not a complete one. 

I was, however, completely overwhelmed and exhausted after going rounds with the saleswoman at my local Clinique counter.  (I'll be in bold for this post so that reading it won't be as confusing for you as it was for me to live it.)

"Hi.  I need to buy the lotion pump from the 3-step cleanser set."
"Okay, I can do that for you.  But if you wait a week, you can get the Clinique bonus."

As she said "Clinique bonus", a beam of light shone down from the the sky and I think I heard a gospel choir singing.  (The economy must be improving because I didn't know that Younkers could afford such amenities.)

"Thanks, but I am completely out of the lotion and can't wait.  But maybe I can come in next week and buy the 2nd step, the toner, and get the bonus then."

"That won't work because the toner doesn't count toward the bonus."

"The toner doesn't, but the lotion does?  Isn't the toner more expensive?"

"Well, it does count, but you'd still need to buy something else."


"Oh, okay.  Well, I could buy an eyeshadow or something.  How much do I need to spend?"

"You need to spend $25.00 to qualify for the bonus."

"Okay, and how much does the toner cost?"

"It's $26.50."

"Okay, wait-- I'm confused.  If the toner is $26.50, won't that be enough?"

"What if we did a presale?  Today you could buy the lotion and the toner to get the bonus, and then you can come in and pick them up next week when the bonus is available?"

"Thanks, but I need the lotion today.  Can I keep the lotion today and get the toner later?"

"No, you can't have the products until you pick up the bonus."

"It seems to me that either the toner OR the lotion should qualify me for the bonus.  How about I buy the lotion right now and take it with me?  Then you could ring me up for the toner separately and make that a presale?  I could come in next week and pick it up with my bonus, right?"

"No, you see, the toner alone won't qualify.  You'd have to have something else, like a lipstick or an eyeshadow."

That gospel choir sings a mean funeral march.  Almost mean enough to make me walk away, but I thought I'd give it one more shot.

"Does your eyeshadow cost more than $25.00?"

"No, the shadow singles are $15.00 and the duos are $20.00."

"So that wouldn't be enough, would it?"

"If you also get the toner, it would.  You could pick it up next week."


I literally snapped at this woman.  Practically lashed out with talons to rip at her perfectly applied makeup.  What was worse than the confusion and the frustration was the look of utter pity on her face, the clear-as-day mocking expression of "oh, dear, this woman simply cannot understand the intricacies of skin care sales" on her face.

I ended up leaving with only my lotion, choosing to walk away rather than to pee my pants in a fit of anger and dry skin.  But now I'm out of toner, and at a loss about what to do. 

Anybody like Estée Lauder? 

1 comment:

  1. LOL, one time a woman at the Clinique counter "pre-sold" me a powder in a color they don't even make!! It was a crazy confusing conversation much like what you had. They are complete idiots there. I now buy all my Clinique at Von Maur instead (they also have Bonus time : ) -Shirley


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