Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Sumpin' Suspicious

I think it's safe to say that the drought that plagued us last year is officially over.  I'm sure the experts had all come to that conclusion through countless scientific measures, but I need only look out the window at the grey sky and wet pavement. 

Or the water in my basement.

For those of you keeping count, this is the ninth flood we've had in my house in only five years.  And while one was man-made, two were toilet-made and two were dishwasher-made, the others have all come courtesy of Mother Nature, that old hag. 

As soon as I realized that there was water in our storage room, I began moving things around, pulling back carpet and setting up fans in an attempt to salvage the carpet as we have been successful in doing the previous eight times.  At this point, rapid water removal is just as second-nature to me as brushing my teeth or making a hasty escape from the grocery store.

I called my Dad over to ask his opinion regarding the state of my downspouts, and if they were to blame for the excess water.  In the process, he inquired about my sump pump, and if it had been working overtime to compensate for the heavy rain we'd received.  Truth be told, I'd never heard the telltale hum of the sump pump.  Never.  Or in the words of Taylor Swift, "like, ever".  I knew that the machine, which had been installed mere months before we moved in, was supposed to be a quiet machine, but I started to get suspicious.

In our main storage room, a very large and heavy wooden shelving unit had been installed directly over the pump, so in order to check its condition we had to clear the shelves.  It was at this time that I deeply regretted using these shelves to store what felt like cinder blocks and anvils. 

Once every dense object from my past was removed and cluttering up the living room, we shoved the unit out of the way and got our first look at the suspicious pump, which was suspiciously not pumping water.
Let's review.  The sump pump, our one line of defense from encroaching water, was not (and had never been) plugged in during the entire time we've inhabited this house.

I'm completely infuriated, and now I find myself examining every problem I encounter to see if I'm missing the obvious solution.  When the power goes out in a storm, has someone accidentally turned out the lights?  When Graham and Cael misbehave, is it because I never told them I prefer it when they follow directions?  When I struggle to lose weight, is it simply because I'm eating the wrong foods and not exercising enough?  Oh, wait...

No matter the answer to those questions, one thing is clear.  No weather-related flood will plague my house again.

Like, ever.

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Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.