Monday, September 17, 2012

Navigation Aberration

Kids don't listen.  Graham is a kid.  Ergo, Graham doesn't listen. 

But the thing is, Graham does hear.  I speak and he hears every word I say.  And then, after I've given myself a congratulatory pat on the back for imparting such wisdom upon my young son who will inevitably go on to will the Nobel Peace Prize or at the very least, an enviable check-out position at our local WalMart, he will turn to me and ask, "What?"

Every trip is the same, regardless of the destination.

"Mommy, where are we going?"

"To a store."

"Where?"

"To a store, Graham."

"Where, Mommy?"

"To Target, Graham." 

"I love Tardet.  Where is Tardet?"

Is there ever an appropriate answer to this question?  The kid has no concept of distance, no directional skills to speak of, and if asked where he has misplaced/broken/ritually burned an item in the house, he universally responds with, "What, Mommy?".

"It's down the road, Graham."  

"What is down the road?"

"Target."

"I love Tardet!  Where is it?"

"Ugh.  We are going to Target, and it is down this road.  We'll be there soon."

"Be where, Mommy?"

"Target!"

"What?" 

Sweetlordofallthingsscacred.

"Target.  Target, target, target." 

"We is going to Tardet?"

"Yes."

"Which way is it?"

"Down this road and to the left."

"To the left?"

"Yes."

"To the left, Mommy?"

"YES, GRAHAM.  To the left."

"What store is it?"

"Target!"

"Oh, I love Tardet."

"Yeah, I've heard that before." 

"Tardet is to the left?"

He's lucky I love him so much.  Because from my driver's seat, I can have his door sliding open at the touch of a button.  I'm sure his carseat would protect him from the fall, right?

"Graham, I need you to listen and not repeat anything, okay?  Just hear my words and then wait patiently.  We are going to Target so that Mommy can do some shopping.  And before you ask, no I don't know exactly what I'm going to buy, but you will see it when we are in the store.  Target is down the street, but we will be there soon.  I know that you like Target.  I do too, and that's why I'd like to go look around there and not argue over directions in the car with you.   

"What, Mommy?"

"Hold on to your seat, Graham, I'm gonna open your door..."

6 comments:

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    1. Graham. But don't bother telling him that... :)

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  2. Haa!! This is one of the most frustrating parts of parenting for me. My 3yr old and 4yr old have the bad habit lately of asking me if they can do something, or bring something in the van, or go somewhere, I answer yes, but then they proceed to ask me again, and again, and again, and again!! Makes me want to scream!! I have resorted to changing the answer to no if they ask me more than twice. It has helped only a little bit. Ugghhh!!!!!

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    1. I feel your pain. Cael does this too, but he has learned that it never gets him what he wants in the end. Graham, on the other hand, is just too cute and too little to fight with about it. Maybe I should just give him a taste of his own medicine?!

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  3. I am going through this with my 3 year old also! I've found that the answer "It's that way" and pointing will usually appease him.

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    1. I'm glad you've found a quick solution! I wish I was so lucky... :)

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Leave your own "ism". Cael and Graham double-dog dare you.