Fly Me to the Moon

When I was little and I got sick, there was a very specific formula that my mom could follow to make me feel better.  It didn't ensure my health, but it was guaranteed to put a smile on my face in the midst of the worst cold or flu, and it involved only three things.

The living room sofa, orange ice cream push-ups and the Beverly Cleary classic, "Ramona."

 Happiness, for Cael, is a bit more complicated.  As I mentioned yesterday, "The Incredibles" served to capture Cael's attention while he was too tired and feverish to leave my bed.  But by Sunday afternoon, he had regained just enough energy to resume his typical outrageous requests, and this time there was only one.

"I want you to make a cardboard airplane."

I had been hearing it repeatedly last week since Cael saw a photo of the cardboard train I'd made last year and thought I'd been sufficiently lazy in not recreating another mode of transportation from pressed paper. 

At first I said no, citing "playing nurse" and "doing dishes" as reasons why I was too busy to make his airplane.  But as many of you mothers know, when your baby is sick you want nothing more than to make them happy.

So an airplane, it was.

Joel and I had conveniently cleaned out the garage and basement shortly before, so I had several empty boxes on hand.  I selected the sturdiest one as well as two others to use for parts, and spent a good twenty minutes staring at my equipment and wondering how in the world I was going to make this work.  Because a train car is simply rectangular, I didn't have to alter the boxes very much to make them look like a locomotive.  But an airplane body is more complex, with a pointed nose, and I knew I would end up using math at some point in the operation which made me shiver with fear.

See?  This story works for Halloween, too.

In the afternoon, I slowly but surely crafted the nose of the plane as well as the wings that would be inserted through a slot in the side.  But once the main body was assembled, I had to take a break.  Mainly because I was daunted by the propeller assembly ahead, but also because my butt was asleep.

Eventually, I did make the propeller blades by starting with a series of concentric circles, and then making them slightly oblong like traditional fan blades.  I knew that they would be seriously undersized and not to-scale for the plane, but I also wanted them to actually spin, and in order for that to happen, they wouldn't be able to touch the floor when the plane was on the "tarmac". 

Once I had them shaped properly, I cut them out and covered them with foil tape.  (I think the tape was actually left behind by the previous owners for the purpose of home repair, and with my house's history of poor behavior, I hope I didn't jinx myself by using it all.)  Finally, I secured the blades with a screw and washer from the boys' tool set.

With the propeller in place and a tail fin added for effect, the majority of the work was done.  I knew I would be working on this late into the night because I am such a ridiculous perfectionist, so I let Cael have a sneak peek before I tucked him into bed with a kiss and a syringe full of Triaminic.

Joel came home and surveyed the house, the bags under my eyes and knew immediately that I was involved in some sort of needlessly difficult project and smartly complimented my work before suggesting I give it a rest and get some sleep.  How could I sleep, though, when the airplane had no paint and no control panel?

As quickly as I was able, I covered the boxes in red wrapping paper and used the foil tape to secure it and make some shiny metal-like accents.  I also used one of the remaining pieces of cardboard to draw the control panel, complete with "auto pilot" and "evacuate" buttons, just in case of an urgent little-brother attack.

The next morning, Cael's first words were, "is my airplane done yet?"  I made him wait until after breakfast to test it out, and by that time he was bursting at the seams with excitement. 

"I love it!  It's so cool, Mommy!"

And so it was worth it, after all.  Or so I thought.

"Mommy, you make me a racecar.  And a racetrack.  And a BEAR!"

The Not-So-Common Cold

Today's post will be short because around here, things have gone from bad to worse.

Cael's fevers just got hotter and more persistent and our 'round the clock Tylenol-Advil-Tylenol routine wasn't able to keep his temperature down.  Finally we took him in and got an antibiotic that, so far, has not reduced his symptoms or his fevers, but has effectively made me regret that I wasn't seen at the same time because with my persistent cough and absent voice, a passer-by would surely guess me to be the patient.

Cael has been a shell of his former self, only leaving bed to complain that "The Incredibles", a movie we borrowed from my sister, was done and needed to be rewound so that he could watch it again.  For the ninth time.

Although I didn't send him to school today, I'm hopeful that he will be able to attend tomorrow for his preschool Halloween party.  I've been trying to lift his spirits with promises of pumpkin carving, cardboard airplanes and trick-or-treating in the days to come.  Stay tuned...

Sick Day

Sorry for the late posting today, but my little patient has kept me on my toes.  Read all about it...)

It's official.  Cael no longer has perfect attendance.  Last night when he staggered upstairs to the bathroom while Joel and I were watching TV in bed, I noticed the telltale flush on his face that, coupled with the coughing I heard on the monitor and the sore throat I, myself, had started to feel, I knew he was getting sick.

But a sniffly nose is no reason to miss school, especially in a class full of ankle-biters that have undoubtedly covered every surface of the room with one bodily fluid or another.  So I got up as usual and headed to the boys' room with a laundry basket full of clean clothes to get them dressed for school.

Surprisingly, Cael was still in bed.  He was awake, but from his perch on the bed he was dictating to Graham where to place all of the toys Graham had unearthed and scattered across the floor of their room.

"Come on, Cael.  We need to get dressed."

"I'm not going to school."

"I don't think that's up to you to decide."

"I have a headache."

A headache?  With my caffeine addiction, a headache is no more shocking than a booger in Graham's nose.  They happen, but are no reason to miss school.

"But Mommy, my head feels like a rock."

"Like a rock?"

"Yeah, it's ouchy and hard and really heavy."

Okay, so maybe he wasn't faking.  I took his temp and he clocked in at 101.6 degrees, so I quickly called the school and reported his absence and then fed him a mouthful of children's ibuprofen.

"Does your throat hurt?"

"No.  My throat is like carpet."

"What does that mean?"

"It's scratchy and dry."

I asked him about his cough and whether or not he felt sneezy, so that I could try to assess whether his problem was caused by allergies or bacteria, but all I got from him were more cryptic, child-speak responses about the "gum in his throat" and his "sink nose".

Later, cuddled up in my bed and kept company by Woody, Buzz and the Toy Story gang, his innocence and frustration with being sick made my heart ache. 

"Mommy?  Remember how when I got those shots you said that the medicine was like little soldiers that would fight off the sicknesses?"

"Yeah, I remember that."

"Where did the soldiers go?  Why aren't they fighting to keep me healthy?"

"I don't know, honey.  Soldiers can't always fight off a cold.  But those same soldiers are doing a good job of keeping you from catching other sicknesses that are much worse than a cold.  So even though you feel yucky now, you know that you won't have to worry about those really bad things later." 

"But still, Mommy... good soldiers are supposed to fight the bad guys.  And this cold is a really, really, bad guy."

I'm sorry that he's sick, but I'm still very grateful that both of my boys are generally quite healthy and that I am able to do what I can to protect them from any "viral terrorism" the "bad guys" throw at us.  But if this cold threatens our Halloween, don't doubt for one second that I won't be on the phone with Homeland Security...

Pumpkin Pains

As Halloween approaches, both Cael and Graham are getting more and more antsy to don their costumes and troll the streets for candy.  And as much as I want them to have fun, the bucket of candy from last Halloween/Christmas/Valentine's Day/Easter/parades/birthdays (plus the bag we bought to hand out to kids)puts a damper on my personal excitement.

 Since I won't allow them to wear their costumes before the big day, mainly because I don't want them to get stained, torn, used as parachutes or as tarps for yard waste, they have turned to pumpkin carving as an outlet for their Halloween-related energy.  Everyday I hear about what they want to carve and how they plan to carefully excise the pieces of pumpkin flesh to reveal its inner potential.

"What do you want to carve, Cael?"

"I want to carve a picture of Graham putting marker on the computer keyboard."

"Seriously?  I don't really want to remember that moment.  Plus, it would be almost impossible to put on a pumpkin."

"What do you want to carve, Graham?"

"I want to make a picture of Cael pushing me."

"Oh, that wouldn't make a very happy pumpkin."

For all of their enthusiasm, their jack-o-lantern concepts lacked any real imagination.  It seemed like any and all ideas they came up with simply mimicked real life, and negative ones at that.  I took another approach.

"Do you think we should make one that has a face?"

"Yeah!"

"Should it be scary, or surprised?"

"How about 'frustrated', Mommy?"

I know that look.

Even though they were both pretty adamant about their potential pumpkins, I'm certainly not going to carve a scene in which my eldest is assaulting his brother.  It may be up to me to come up with a new plan, and taking a page from their play book, I decided to let realism be the theme this year.

Always the type-A personality, I thought it would be a smart idea to create a mock-up of my jack-o-lanterns to use as an example when it's time to carve.  And if I do say so myself, I think they are a stunning and realistic representation of my life.

Forget the trick, that's a real treat.

Ism of the Day

The car has been a battleground lately, with both boys throwing verbal punches at each corner.  Graham's new favorite weapon is to make behavioral recommendations to Cael before he leaves for school in the morning.

Cael doesn't appreciate the sentiment.

"Okay, Cael.  You be nice to your teacher."

 "Stop it, Graham.  You don't tell me that."

"But you should be nice!"

"No!"

Cael's reasons for shunning Graham were four-fold.

"First of all, Graham, I don't like it when you say that.  Second of all, I think it's annoying and I don't like it.  And four-- number fourth-- it's just not something I like.  And because I have four reasons that I don't like it, I think you have to stop."

"Otay, I will stop, and you will be nice to your teacher."

I think it goes without saying that Cael was overwhelmingly irritated with his brother when I dropped him off at school this morning.  Because, contrary to what you may have thought, Cael just doesn't like it when Graham gives him advice.

Who knew?

Pumpkin Bee

"Okay, it's time to do our craft project, guys.  I drew a pumpkin on a paper and you can color it in however you like.  Then we'll cut out the shape of the face you want to 'carve' out of the pumpkin and we'll put paper on the back that will show through." 

"Why?"

"It's just a fun little project, Cael.  I think it will look cool when we're done."

"But it doesn't look like a pumpkin, Mommy.  It looks like an apple."

"I don't think so.  An apple doesn't have these lines here.  See?"

"I still think it looks like an apple.  I'm gonna write 'pumpkin' next to it so people will know it's a pumpkin."

Rather than an orange, carved apple with a face.  Got it.

"Okay, that's fine.  Do you know how to write that word?"

"Can you tell me the letters and I will write them?"

"Sure.  P-U-M-P-K-I-N."

"That's not right."

"Yes it is."

"No, it's not."

"I've been writing for a lot of years, Cael, and I promise that is how to spell pumpkin."

"It's spelled "P-I-M-P."

"Yikes.  That spells 'pimp', and it's kind of a naughty word."

"No it's not.  Pimp is the same thing as pumpkin.  I'm gonna color my pimp and then I'm gonna draw a face on my pimp.  Then you cut the face off of my pimp, right Mommy?  And then we put paper on the back of the pimp and it looks neat?  For Halloween?"

"Sure, Cael."  Maybe we can find some gold necklaces for it, too. 

Product Placement

Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Miracle Worker People,

I'm writing today to profess my undying appreciation for your amazing product.  I've used the tiny little block of hope in my home for many years, but in the last week I found that its uses extend far beyond removing everyday scuffs and minimal clean-up.

My love for the eraser began to grow when my oldest son, Cael, decided that my bedroom wall, while nicely painted in a warm beige tone, was lacking in interest and decided to create an illustration of a monster or some kind of demon in lead pencil.  I was incredibly relieved to see that your magic eraser easily cleaned up the terrifying creature, but sadly was unable to remove the look of smug accomplishment from my son's face.  Future product, perhaps?

As if my heart hadn't already been won over, I turned to your product a few days later when I didn't feel like engaging in a battle of wills with my children.  For two boys that have no opinion whatsoever about their wardrobe choices, they both will nearly spontaneously combust at the mere suggestion that they wear their dressier brown shoes rather than their worn-in sneakers.  That day, however, those sneakers were covered in mud and quite possibly, dog poop, and with only three minutes before school was to begin, I grabbed your eraser in a last-ditch effort to clean the dirty sneakers.  I was shocked at the transformation of the shoes and was incredibly grateful not to have to replace the fire extinguishers in my home.  Kudos to you.

Shortly before I planned to pen this letter, I was forced to put your "rectangles of awe" to the test.  As I placed lunch in front of my children, I noticed that my youngest, Graham, was covered in a blue mystery substance.  Upon further inspection, I determined that the substance was actually blue Sharpie marker that was smeared all over his hands, arms and shirt.  Immediately, I rushed to the office where the marker had been stored, only to find a crime scene worthy of a "Saw" film.  Blue permanent marker was scribbled all over the floor mat, desk, walls, bookshelf, printer and most regrettably, my iMac keyboard.  An internet search yielded several suggested methods for removing the ink, however the vinegar, aerosol cleaner, rubbing alcohol and q-tips only managed to smear the stain around so that many of the keys were illegible.   

I was an angry, Sharpie-covered mess. 

Suddenly, I remembered my previous successes with your product and decided to make one last-ditch effort to return my keyboard to its former glory by scrubbing it with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.  Within minutes, every bit of blue horror was extracted from my home office and trapped within the spongey confines of your white eraser.  All that remained was a smear of blue on my dropped jaw that I left behind as a reminder of this chilling episode in my life.

I'm not sure how you created this masterpiece.  I don't know if a random collection of chemicals collided in a divine "accident", just like the creation of the universe, only in a Procter & Gamble laboratory.  Perhaps you all sold your souls to the apocalyptic creature my son scribbled on the wall for the recipe to a miracle product that could rid the world of all dirt and dust-related imperfections.  Whatever the explanation, I owe you a giant, eraser-loving thank you.

One cut into the shape of a heart.  A heart that cleaned my scissors in the process. 

Yours truly,
Mary Foreman